How sound is the report which says “Choose for your daughters what you choose for your sons”?

I heard one of the imams at the mosque say: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Choose for your daughters what you choose for your sons”. I have looked in all the references and I could not find any report of this hadeeth as the imam said it. I think that it may be a report from the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them). Please tell us. May Allaah reward you with all good.

Praise be to Allaah.

Daughters are a trust which has been placed with the father. Allaah commands the father to take care of this trust and look after it. Undoubtedly choosing a righteous husband for her is one of the greatest means by which a father may protect his daughter, because marriage is a major move in a person’s life towards peace, tranquility and happiness, so it is essential to make the right choice in order to achieve these hopes. 

The wise father is the one who strives to achieve this great aim for his daughter, and does not feel at ease until he finds her a husband who is of good character and religiously committed, who will look after her and take care of her. When he finds him, he does not hesitate to offer his daughter to him in marriage, because he sees that that is in her best interests. 

In the Qur'aan and Sunnah there are noble examples of guardians who chose husbands for their daughters and sisters, and who were a means of bringing them happiness, and they avoided waiting for too long. 

Allaah tells us the story of Moosa (peace be upon him), when he came to the well of Madyan and drew water for the two women out of compassion towards them. When their father came to know of the trustworthiness and strength of Moosa – which was before his mission began – he offered one of his daughters in marriage to him. Allaah says, telling us of that (interpretation of the meaning): 

“He said: ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years; but if you complete ten years, it will be (a favour) from you. But I intend not to place you under a difficulty. If Allaah wills, you will find me one of the righteous’”

[al-Qasas 28:27] 

In the Sunnah we have another example that was narrated by Imam al-Bukhaari (5122) in a chapter entitled “A man offering his daughter or sister in marriage to good people.” And al-Nasaa’i (3248) narrated it in a chapter entitled “A man offering his daughter in marriage to one with whom he is pleased.” 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that ‘Umar said: 

Hafsah’s husband Khunays ibn Hudhaafah, who was one of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and had been present at Badr, died in Madeenah. I met ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan and offered Hafsah to him in marriage. I said: If you wish, I will marry Hafsah bint ‘Umar to you. He said: I will think about it. Several nights passed, then he said: I think that I do not want to get married at this time. ‘Umar said: Then I met Abu Bakr and I said: If you wish, I will marry Hafsah bint ‘Umar to you. Abu Bakr kept quiet and did not give me any response. I was more upset about him than about ‘Uthmaan. Several nights passed, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) proposed to her and I married her to him. Then Abu Bakr met me and said: Perhaps you felt upset when you offered Hafsah in marriage to me and I did not reply? I said: Yes. He said: Nothing prevented me from responding to your offer but the fact that I knew that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had mentioned her, and I did not want to disclose the secret of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If he had decided not to marry her, I would have accepted your offer. 

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said, listing the things that we learn from this hadeeth in Fath al-Baari (9/222): 

From it we learn that a man may offer his daughter or other female relative under his guardianship in marriage to one who he thinks is good or suitable, because of the benefit that this will bring to the woman who is offered in marriage, and there should be no embarrassment in that. End quote. 

There are many examples in history, among the best of which is that which is mentioned by al-Dhahabi in Siyar A’lam al-Nubala’ (4/233) about Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab marrying his daughter to his student Katheer ibn al-Muttalib, in which he says: 

I used to sit with Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, and I was absent for a few days. When I came to him he said: Where were you? I said: My wife died and I was busy with her (funeral arrangements). He said: Why didn’t you tell us so that we could have attended (her funeral)? Then he said: Have you found a new wife? I said: May Allaah have mercy on you; who would marry me when I have no more than two or three dirhams? He said: I will (give you my daughter in marriage). I said: Would you do that? He said: Yes, then he praised Allaah and sent blessings on the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he gave me his daughter in marriage for two dirhams – or he said, three – and I got up and I did not know what to do out of joy. Then I went home and started to think about where to borrow money from. 

I prayed Maghrib, then I went back home, and I was fasting by myself. I prepared my supper and I broke my fast, with bread and olive oil. Then there was a knock at the door and I said: Who is it? He said: Sa’eed. I thought of everyone whose name was Sa’eed except Ibn al-Musayyab, for he had not been seen for forty years anywhere except his home and the mosque. I went out and there was Sa’eed, and I thought that he had changed his mind. I said: O Abu Muhammad, why didn’t you send for me so that I would come to you? He said: No, you have more right that I should come to you, for you were a single man then you got married, and I would not like for you to spend the night alone. Here is your wife. And she was standing behind him and was as tall as him. Then he took her by the hand and pushed her towards the door, and closed the door. The woman fell down out of shyness, and news of that reached my mother, so she came and said: I will never speak to you if you touch her before I have prepared her in three days. So I waited for three days, then I consummated the marriage with her, and she is one of the most beautiful of people, and has memorized the Book of Allaah, and is one of the most knowledgeable about the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and about the rights of the husband. End quote. 

Homes filled with religious commitment, knowledge, etiquette and happiness have been built in this way, and shyness did not prevent anyone from acquiring a righteous husband for his daughter or sister. Their attitude was one of humility, generosity and sincerity.  

Perhaps the examples mentioned above will provide a good example for people of our own time, and Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. 

Secondly: 

As for the hadeeth quoted by this khateeb, in which it says “Choose for your daughters what you choose for your sons,” this is not a hadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and I did not find anything like this narrated from any of the Sahaabah or Taabi’een. Rather it is a proverb or saying that people use among themselves. Attributing it to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is a serious and grievous mistake which oversteps the limit by telling a lie about the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “Whoever tells a lie about me deliberately, let him take his place in Hell.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (110) and Muslim (3). 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are called for if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity heart of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Holy Writ with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one enquiry that we all is needed to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad human activity to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the inquiry remains the exact that reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to respond is there any God Almighty All these response exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us connect hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

She raised a knife against him and threatened him so he would divorce her. Does the divorce count as such?

During an argument with my wife, she raised a knife against me and threatened me so that I would divorce her and I said to her: You are divorced, so as to put a stop to the matter, but I did not really intend to divorce her. Does this divorce count as such?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If you were afraid that your wife would carry out her threat to attack you with the knife that she had with her, then this comes under the heading of being forced, and the divorce does not count as such. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Sahaabah issued fatwas saying that a divorce issued under compulsion does not count as such. It is narrated in a saheeh report from ‘Umar that a man suspended himself from a mountain by a rope to collect honey and his wife came and said: Either I cut the rope or your divorce me. He adjured her by Allaah and she insisted so he divorced her. He came to ‘Umar and told him about that, and he said to him: Go back to your wife, for this is not a divorce. The ruling that it does not count as a divorce was also narrated from ‘Ali, Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn al-Zubayr (may Allaah be pleased with them). End quote from Zaad al-Ma’aad (5/208). 

And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Imam Ahmad said in the report of Abu’l-Haarith: If a man who is forced issues a divorce, the divorce is not binding; if what was done to Thaabit ibn al-Ahnaf is done to him, then he is forced, because they squeezed Thaabit’s foot until he divorced his wife, then he went to Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn al-Zubayr, and they did not think it counted as anything, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with Faith” [al-Nahl 16:106]. Imam al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) quoted this verse as evidence that the divorce issued by one who is forced does not count as such. 

In Sunan Ibn Majaah it is narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has pardoned my ummah for mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” End quote from I’laam al-Muwaqqi’een (4/51). 

In al-Ikhtiyaaraat by Shaykh al-Islam it says: The divorce issued by one who is forced does not count. Force or compulsion happens by means of an explicit threat or when he thinks it most likely that he or his property will be harmed even if there is no explicit threat. He said elsewhere: The idea that the threat should be thought mot likely to be carried out is not correct, rather the correct view is that the likelihood of the threat being carried out or not should be equal; then it is a case of compulsion. End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (5/568). 

But if you knew that your wife would never harm you, or you could put a stop to her threat without causing harm, then you were not forced in that case, and your divorce counts as such. 

What we have mentioned here is the ruling and guidelines on this issue. As for the ruling in your case, the details must be examined further, hence we say that you have to refer to the shar’i court or to a trustworthy scholar in your own land, so that he can hear from both of you and determine whether this was a case of force or not. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her husband divorced her twice and she has got to know a young man via the internet who wants to marry her

I am 19 years old girl. I got married 4/8/2006. My husband divorced me twice two months ago, slandered my mother and hit me in front of my brothers. Now he is regretful and wants me back, knowing that I am still his wife in the law point of view.
  I knew a man through the internet. He is a believing Muslim. We talk only about Islamic issues. After I told him my story he felt for me, one week later he asked if it is possible to propose to me in accordance with Islamic Sharia. What should I do, knowing that this man is really decent; he never said anything that disturbed me morally. Is what I am doing haram? I seek your help as I cannot tell this to anyone. Please help me because I am just 19 years old, I live in France and very few who can help me here. Thank you!.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

If the husband says to his wife: You are divorced twice, then one divorce (talaaq) takes place. 

Secondly: 

If this is the first divorce, and only two months have passed, and your ‘iddah has not ended, then you still come under the heading of a wife, and it is his right to take you back, and it is not permissible for you to refuse that, rather your acceptance is not essential to his taking you back. 

But if the ‘iddah has ended, then he cannot take you back unless you agree and there is a new marriage contract with a new mahr. 

The ‘iddah of a woman who menstruates is three menstrual cycles. When she becomes pure after the third cycle and does ghusl, then her ‘iddah is over. 

The ‘iddah of a woman who does not menstruate because she is very young or has passed menopause is three months. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allaah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:228] 

“And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the ‘Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]”

[al-Talaaq 65:4] 

Thirdly: 

During the ‘iddah of a revocable divorce, it is not permissible for anyone to propose marriage, whether directly or indirectly, because she is still regarded as a wife. When her ‘iddah ends, it becomes permissible to propose marriage to her, directly. 

Based on that, if your ‘iddah has not ended, then this request from the person whom you have come to know via the internet is haraam. 

Fourthly: 

Talking to men on the internet via private programs or conversations, has bad effects and obvious negative consequences, and it is usually accompanied by various types of haraam things. If the conversation is about marriage and related matters, then it is even worse. It rarely leads to successful marriages. 

Hence we advise you to end the relationship with this young man, and repent to Allaah from talking to him about marriage, if that was during your ‘iddah. 

You have to go back to your husband, if he asks you do so during the 'iddah. If you have a problem after that because of living with him, then you can ask for a divorce in order to remove that harm. 

Fear Allaah and remember that He is always watching and there is nothing that is hidden from Him. Do not wrong yourself and do not spoil your husband’s reputation or his honour by carelessly forming relationships with other men. You will never get anything from that but more worry and distress, and that will put you off your husband and make you feel attached to some other man, and it deprive you of happiness, security and peace of mind, because there is no happiness, security or peace of mind except in obeying Allaah. 

The fact that you asked us about this indicates that there is goodness in you, and keenness to obey Allaah and fear of disobeying Him. Hence we reiterate our advice and remind you of your husband’s rights, and we ask Allaah to set your affairs straight, and relieve your distress, and make good easy for you wherever it may be. 

And Allaah knows best.

Seeking divorce due to harm

My cousin asked to marry me when his circumstances improve, after my first husband divorced me. He said to me he will not let anyone take me from him. He said much more things expressing his love to me and how much he suffers with his wife who is 30 years older than him. He persisted in this proposing to me for 12 years.
  12 years later we got married and dealt that he must be fair with both of us and not neglect his first wife for Allah’s sake. I sacrificed some of my rights so that he does not regret marrying me. He used to always make du’a for me because I do not make him suffer like any man married to more than one wife.
  I became pregnant during the first month of our marriage. Three months later, he deserted my bed and left me. As I live with my family. He says he cannot look at my face and does not desire me at all, he also says that he avoids visiting us fearing that something bigger may happen like to divorce me while I am pregnant. He says he feels bad whenever he remembers me.
He promised me to seek treatment by Quraan with a sheikh. Now I do not see him more than five minutes every two or three months, or may be a phone call. I stayed patient and did not press on him. 3 years now and it is the same. Nothing changed. I do not receive but hatred, suffering, ungratefulness and humiliation from him. What shall I do? Shall I ask for divorce, or wait hoping he will be changed with years? .

Praise be to Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

What is meant by something wrong is hardship which compels her to seek a separation. 

Asking for divorce when there is no problem that would compel a woman to do that is haraam, and some scholars regarded it as a major sin, such as Ibn Hajar al-Haytami in al-Zawaajir. 

From the hadeeth quoted above it may be understood that it is permissible for a woman to ask for a divorce if there is some hardship or harm that will be caused if the marriage continues. 

Based on this, there is nothing wrong with you seeking divorce if the matter is as you describe, that your husband left you three years ago. 

But it is better for you to be patient and ask your husband to try to remedy the problem that has befallen him; perhaps Allaah will heal him and set things straight. But if you feel that there is no improvement at all in the situation and you hope that if you divorce him you will be able to marry someone else, then divorce is better in that case, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All‑Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All‑Wise”

[al-Nisa’ 4:130] 

What you mention about him being put off and feeling stressed whenever he remembers you may be due to him having been affected by sihr (witchcraft). Hence he should use ruqyahs that are prescribed in sharee’ah, or he should go to a righteous person who adheres to the Sunnah, to perform ruqyah for him. 

See the answers to questions no. 11290 and 12918. 

And Allaah knows best.

She has been divorced a second time and her ‘iddah has ended

We got married 17 years ago. My wife became depressed for some time and asked for divorce many times during this depression stage. I tried many times to treat her. Once she was about to commit suicide by taking a large dose of tablets. I said to her that time that she is divorced. But then I returned her to me after 17 days. The next day she again asked for divorce but I did not divorce her. Then she traveled to Egypt for her doctorate exam. She tried to get my mobile number from my family and sent me a text message on my mobile saying that she will kill herself if I do not send her the paper of divorce. So I sent her a text message lying, knowing that I did not have the intention to divorce her; I just feared she kills herself as she said. When she returned to Saudi I felt that she really insists on divorce, so I said to her: “you are divorced” three times. But I know very well that it is my second time to divorce her, as I also know that saying the word of divorce three times at the same time is considered only one divorce, as known to me and all.
Now, after 85 days from this incident, by Allah’s grace, and some friends interceding, I want her back to me. She told me that she had three menstruating periods already. We work in the same place and she is a professional colleague of mine. I want to protect my home; especially that we have teenage children.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Divorce in writing does not count as such unless the husband intends it as such. If he writes a divorce to his wife but he did not intend to divorce her, then divorce does not take place according to the majority of scholars, and this was the view favoured by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem and Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on them). 

This has been explained in the answer to question no. 72291. Based on this, the text message that you sent via mobile phone does not count as a divorce because you did not intend it as such. 

Secondly: 

If a man says to his wife, “You are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced,” intending thereby one talaaq and only repeating the phrase for emphasis or to make sure his wife understands the words, this only counts as one talaaq, according to the four imams (may Allaah have mercy on them). 

See: al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (1/221). 

Based on this, when you said to your wife “You are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced,” intending thereby only one talaaq, it counted as one talaaq, and this was the second talaaq. 

As her ‘iddah has ended, you cannot take her back, but there is nothing wrong with doing a new marriage contract with her, subject to the usual conditions of marriage: the woman’s consent, and the presence of two witnesses and her wali (guardian), etc. 

She can come back to you on the basis of this marriage contract, with the outstanding number of divorces, i.e., there is only one talaaq left with her. 

You should help your wife to get rid of this depression by finding out its causes and dealing with them, and by pursuing the means that will help to bring her relief and peace of mind. 

And Allaah knows best.

He said to her: You are not my wife and I will never come back to you

After an argument my husband said to me ‘you are not my wife, I will never come back to you’ however the same day in the evening I became ill, he done ruqya on me and told me he was sorry for what he said, later I asked him and he said I had no intention of divorce when I said that. Has divorce taken place by saying ‘you are not my wife’? This happened some take ago, I have read books and some say it is necessary to say divorce others say different. Now and again I get waswaas what if our nikah has been nullified. I have 2 daughters with him and alhamdulilah we have never had such an argument again. Please advise.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a husband says to his wife: ‘You are not my wife and I will never come back to you’, this is a metaphor for divorce, because divorce may be either explicit or implicit. Explicit divorce counts as such regardless of intentions, and implicit divorce only counts as such if there was the intention of divorce. 

As your husband did not intend to divorce you by saying that, then it does not count as a divorce. 

In al-Insaaf (8/468) and Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/250) it says that if a man says to his wife, ‘You are not my wife’ and other words that imply divorce, if he intended to divorce her then it counts as a divorce, and if he did not intend to divorce her then it does not count as a divorce. 

It says something similar in Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj (8/6) and Tabyeen al-Haqaa’iq (2/218). 

We ask Allaah to reconcile between you and to bring you together in obedience to Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

A woman who was thrice-divorced (three talaaqs) married another man, with the intention of asking for divorce. Can she ask for divorce now?

I was married before and have a baby girl with my previous husband. I got married again but before I got married to my current husband I had the intentions of going back to my ex husband because I am still in love with him. I couldnt help how I feel about my ex husband. so now can I divorce my current husband so I could go back with my ex husband?
furthermore I could not help how I feel about my ex husband and no matter how hard I tried to get these intentions out of my heart I could not. I had no agreement for divorce so I could go back to my ex husband.
am just not happy with my current husband is that a valid reason to divorce him?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man divorces his wife three times, she is not permissible for him until she has married another man in a genuine marriage, not a tahleel marriage (one that is aimed at making it permissible for her to go back to her first husband), then he leaves her, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband”

[al-Baqarah 2:230]. 

Abu Dawood (2076) narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allaah has cursed the muhallil and the muhallal lahu.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Sunan Abi Dawood. [The muhallil is the one who marries a woman and divorces her so that she can go back to her first husband, and the muhallal lahu is the first husband for whom this is done.] 

If a divorced woman married a second husband with the intention of getting divorced from him so that she can go back to the first one, there is a difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ in this case. Some of them regard this as tahleel, which is haraam, and some say that her intention does not affect anything. 

See the answer to question no. 131290 

Now you are the wife of a Muslim man who has rights and dignity, and it is not permissible to deceive him or mistreat him; it is also not permissible for you to ask for divorce or khula‘ unless there is a reason that makes it permissible to do that, because of the report narrated by Abu Dawood (2226), at-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Maajah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood 

A reason that would make it necessary to resort to divorce would be something like bad treatment, evildoing or deviation on the part of the man. 

It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir in a marfoo‘ report: “Women who seek khula‘ are the hypocrites.” Narrated by at-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 17/339; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 1934. 

What is meant is the one who asks her husband for khula‘ without any legitimate shar‘i reason that would make it permissible for her to do that. 

One of the reasons that make it permissible for a woman to ask for khula‘ is if she dislikes her husband cannot give him his rights, or she fears that if she does not do that then she will be one of those who are ungrateful to their husbands, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (4867) from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) according to which the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not blame Thaabit ibn Qays for any defect in his character or his religious commitment, but I would hate (to show the attitude of) kufr when I am a Muslim.”  The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said, “Will you give him back his garden [which he had given as mahr]?” She said, “Yes.” The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said (to Thaabit), “Accept the garden, and divorce her once.”  

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allah have mercy on him) said, describing what justifies asking for khula‘: If the wife dislikes some characteristics of the husband, such as if he is strict and harsh, quick-tempered, gets angry a lot, criticizes for the least mistakes and rebukes for the slightest shortcoming, then she may ask for khula‘. 

Secondly: if she dislikes his physical appearance, such as a defect or ugly appearance or some problem with his physical faculties, then she may ask for khula‘. 

Thirdly: if the shortcoming in religious commitment takes the form of not praying, or being heedless about praying in congregation, or not fasting in Ramadan with no excuse, or doing haraam things such as zina, alcohol, listening to music and so on, then she may ask for khula‘. 

Fourthly: if he withholds her rights such as maintenance, clothing, and essential needs, when he is able to afford it, she has the right to ask for khula‘. 

Fifthly: if he does not give her her rights to regular intimacy because of a defect that means he cannot have intercourse (impotence), or he has no interest in her, or he is interested only in someone else, or he does not divide his time fairly (among co-wives), she has the right to ask for khula‘. 

And Allah knows best. End quote. 

See the answer to question no. 1859 

If any of these reasons are applicable, then you have the right to ask for khula‘ and to return his mahr to him. 

If none of these apply, then it is haraam for you to ask for divorce or khula‘, and you have to give your husband his rights and not harm him in word or deed. In that case you have to be patient and forget about your first husband. Perhaps the marriage you are in is better and a blessing for you. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know”

[al-Baqarah 2:216]

“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19]. 

And Allah knows best.