How to make your Wife happy ?

 

The following is a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

Beautiful Reception

After returning from work,
school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

• Begin with a good
  greeting.
• Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum
  and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
• Shake her hand and leave
  bad news for later!

Sweet Speech and
Enchanting Invitations

• Choose words that are
  positive and avoid negative ones.
• Give her your attention when
  you speak of she speaks.
• Speak with clarity and
  repeat words if necessary until she understands.
• Call her with the nice names
  that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.

Friendliness and
Recreation

• Spend time talking together.
• Spread to her goods news.
• Remember your good memories
  together. 

Games and
Distractions

• Joking around & having a
  sense of humor.
• Playing and competing with
  each other in sports or whatever.
• Taking her to watch
  permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
• Avoiding prohibited (haram)
  things in your choices of entertainment. 

Assistance in the
Household

• Doing what you as an
  individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or
  tired.
• The most important thing is
  making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.

Consultation (Shurah)

• Specifically in family
  matters.
• Giving her the feeling that
  her opinion is important to you.
• Studying her opinion
  carefully.
• Be willing to change an
  opinion for hers if it is better.
• Thanking her for helping him
  with her opinions. 

Visiting Others

• Choosing well raised people
  to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and
  pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
• Pay attention to ensure
  Islamic manners during visits.
• Not forcing her to visit
  whom she does not feel comfortable with. 

Conduct During Travel

• Offer a warm farewell and
  good advice.
• Ask her to pray for him.
• Ask pious relatives and
  friends to take care of the family in your absence.
• Give her enough money for
  what she might need.
• Try to stay in touch with
  her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
• Return as soon as possible.
• Bring her a gift!
• Avoid returning at an
  unexpected time or at night.
• Take her with you if
  possible.

Financial Support

• The husband needs to be
  generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with
  his money (nor wasteful).
• He gets rewards for all what
  he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds
  her by his hand (hadeith).
• He is strongly encouraged to
  give to her before she asks him.

Smelling Good and
Physical Beautification

• Following the Sunnah in
  removing hair from the groin and underarms.
• Always being clean and neat.
• Put on perfume for her.

Intercourse

• It is obligatory to do it
  habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
• Start with "Bismillah"
  and the authentic du'a.
• Enter into her in the proper
  place only (not the anus).
• Begin with foreplay
  including words of love.
• Continue until you have
  satisfied her desire.
• Relax and joke around
  afterwards.
• Avoid intercourse during the
  monthly period because it haram
• Do what you can to avoid
  damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your
  clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking
  on.
• Avoid positions during
  intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and
  blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
• Choose suitable times for
  intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

Guarding Privacy

Avoid disclosing private
information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private
matters. 

Aiding in the
Obedience to Allah

• Wake her up in the last
  third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at
  night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
• Teach her what you know of
  the Qur'an and its tafseer.
• Teach her "Dhikr"
  (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and
  evening.
• Encourage her to spend money
  for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
• Take her to Hajj and Umrah
  when you can afford to do so. 

Showing Respect for
her Family and Friends

• Take her to visit her family
  and relatives, especially her parents.
• Invite them to visit her and
  welcome them.
• Give them presents on
  special occasions.
• Help them when needed with
  money, effort, etc..
• Keep good relations with her
  family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is
  encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her
  life to her friends and family. 

(Islamic) Training
& Admonition

This includes:

• The basics of Islam
• Her duties and rights
• Reading and writing
• Encouraging her to attend
  lessons and halaqahs
• Islamic rules (ahkam)
  related to women
• Buying Islamic books and
  tapes for the home library 

Admirable Jealousy

• Ensure she is wearing proper
  hijab before leaving house.
• Restrict free mixing with
  non-mahram men.
• Avoiding excess jealousy.
  
  Examples of this are:
  
      1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and
  overloading her speech by meanings that she did    not mean
  
      2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the
  reasons are just.
  
      3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

Patience and Mildness

• Problems are expected in
  every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and
  magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
• Anger should be shown when
  she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting,
  watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
• Forgive the mistakes she
  does to you.
  
  

Correcting her Mistakes

• First, implicit and explicit
  advice several times.
• Then by turning your back to
  her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include
  leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or
  not talking with her.
• The last solution is lightly
  hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the
  following:

• He should know that sunnah
  is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
• He should do it only in
  extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause
  frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long
  periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had
  been, etc..
• It should not be done
  except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her
  as mentioned in Qur'an .
• He should not hit her hard
  injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
• He should avoid shaming
  her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

Pardoning and
Appropriate Censure

• Accounting her only for
  larger mistakes.
• Forgive mistakes done to him
  but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers,
  etc..
• Remember all the good she
  does whenever she makes a mistake.
• Remember that all humans err
  so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her
  monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
• Avoid attacking her for the
  bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives
  for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not
  eat and does not comment.
• Before declaring her to be
  in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct
  accusations
• Escape from using insults
  and words that may hurt her feelings.
• When it becomes necessary to
  discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
• Waiting until the anger has
  subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

Finally, please
make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator
brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a
perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim
Students' Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.

Taken from : Al-Haramain.org
Newsletter